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Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.

W. C. Fields

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
W. C. FIELDS

Crazy Doubt Existence Woman
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food
Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
W. C. FIELDS

Goodness Lost Myself Night Thankful
Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
W. C. FIELDS

Togetherness Travel
Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. FIELDS

Break One Liner
Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Necessary Sex Yourself
If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. FIELDS

Need Quit Stupidity Time
There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Parents Tough
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Control Food Myself Strong
Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself People Religious Sanity
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Pain Woman
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. FIELDS

Expectation Herself Life Man Woman Yourself
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Money Poor Rich
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. FIELDS

Face Man Time
Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. FIELDS

Trust Yourself

Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.

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Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.

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