“Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.”

I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.

I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.

It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.

Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.

The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.

A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.

I never eat before breakfast.

Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.

It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.

Never give a sucker an even break.

Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.

I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.

When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.

I am filled with mirth at my own rebirth.

If tomorrow starts without me, let it be known I was born to be free.

And when our dreams died my life could finally begin.

Muses are born from a soul that is aching but I would sacrifice the most beautiful art if I could stop one heart from breaking.

She was born to be imperfectly real, and never needed to pretend.

If I’m reborn, let my soul find yours again, so our missing pieces can connect and we can become whole.

We’re the mirror of the cosmos, where stars collapse, born, and fade in unison.

A woman of integrity I swallow stones I used to throw grace was daunting until I surrendered then everything changed a woman was made.