“Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.”

Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can’t cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.

You can’t cheat an honest man.

Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.

I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.

Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.

Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.

A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.

If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.

Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.

It’s easy to be taken advantage of if you’re not honest.

That which comes easily departs easily. That which comes of struggle remains.

I always find it much easier when there’s one person whose vision you’re following, as opposed to many people.

When things are easy, I hate it.

Honestly, every movie I do in America, the only challenge for me is English. I’ve done everything already, for me it’s pretty easy. Only the English.

It is easy to find truth, though it is hard to face it, and harder still to follow it.

It’s easy to get lost in endless speculation. So today, release the need to know why things happen as they do. Instead, ask for the insight to recognize what you’re meant to learn.

Faith makes all things possible, love makes all things easy.