black
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I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.

W. C. Fields

I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. FIELDS

Habit Mad Myself Weird
If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Live Myself
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Togetherness
I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Evidence Success Yourself
I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Food Myself
I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. FIELDS

Age Food Myself Need
I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Myself Young
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. FIELDS

Fools Inspirational Quit Success Yourself
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
W. C. FIELDS

Better Sex Worst
I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food Myself See
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Hope Life Lost
Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
W. C. FIELDS

Goodness Lost Myself Night Thankful
Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDS

Improvement Myself
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Danger Man Place World
I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. FIELDS

Equality Freedom Hate Myself
During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Live Lost Struggle Travel
I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Myself Wine
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Home
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS

Worth Wrong
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. FIELDS

Face Man Time
I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Morning Myself
I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself One Liner
It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
W. C. FIELDS

Attitude Deep Yourself
The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Judgement Life Nation Need Wife

I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.

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I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.

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