• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

1. black
2. grey
3. blue
4. red
5. brown
6. white

The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.

W. C. Fields

Related Topics

HimselfMom

Popular Authors

Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Prevoius| Next

More W. C. Fields Quotes

• 

  I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.

  W. C. FIELDS
  AdviceAgeAlcoholAuthorityGive UpMyself
• 

  I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

  W. C. FIELDS
  FoodMyselfWine
• 

  Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.

  W. C. FIELDS
  ChildrenMyselfWoman
• 

  Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.

  W. C. FIELDS
  ExpectationHerselfLifeManWomanYourself
• 

  I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.

  W. C. FIELDS
  LifeMyselfYoung
• 

  I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

  W. C. FIELDS
  ControlFoodMyselfStrong
• 

  If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.

  W. C. FIELDS
  AnimalFunnyWings
• 

  I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.

  W. C. FIELDS
  MyselfVote
• 

  I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.

  W. C. FIELDS
  MyselfReligionTime
• 

  I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.

  W. C. FIELDS
  HabitMadMyselfWeird
• 

  If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.

  W. C. FIELDS
  NeedQuitStupidityTime
• 

  I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.

  W. C. FIELDS
  CompanyMyself
• 

  I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.

  W. C. FIELDS
  FunnyMyselfTime
• 

  If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.

  W. C. FIELDS
  LifeLiveMyself
• 

  Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.

  W. C. FIELDS
  DeepRealityTragedy
• 

  I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

  W. C. FIELDS
  AnimalHandsMyselfSee
• 

  You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.

  W. C. FIELDS
  EnoughFoolsLivePeopleTimeYourself
• 

  Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.

  W. C. FIELDS
  BornLosePeople
• 

  Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.

  W. C. FIELDS
  AlcoholBelieve
• 

  I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.

  W. C. FIELDS
  BeautifulHerselfLoveMyself
• 

  The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.

  W. C. FIELDS
  AliveDangerManPlaceWorld
• 

  Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.

  W. C. FIELDS
  BusinessLaughOneselfPeoplePurposeSerious
• 

  When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.

  W. C. FIELDS
  DoctorTogetherness
• 

  Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.

  W. C. FIELDS
  HappinessInstagram CaptionsMoneyPlace
• 

  I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.

  W. C. FIELDS
  AlcoholMyself
• 

  I never eat before breakfast.

  W. C. FIELDS
  EatMyselfOne Liner
• 

  I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.

  W. C. FIELDS
  AlcoholMyself