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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.

W. C. Fields

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Hands Myself See
If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
W. C. FIELDS

Care Husband Wife
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Vote
I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. FIELDS

Equality Freedom Hate Myself
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Myself Perspective Sea
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
W. C. FIELDS

Happiness Instagram Captions Money Place
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. FIELDS

Fools Inspirational Quit Success Yourself
Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
W. C. FIELDS

Life View
The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Judgement Life Nation Need Wife
It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Funny Old World
There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Parents Tough
Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
W. C. FIELDS

Night Time Wonderful
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Money Poor Rich
I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself One Liner
Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can’t cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
W. C. FIELDS

Break Himself Honesty Man Myself Smart Yourself
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Myself Wine

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.

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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.

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