I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.
W. C. FIELDSYes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
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The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
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Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
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If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
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I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
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I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
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The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS -
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
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I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS -
You can’t cheat an honest man.
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Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
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Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
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I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDS