“Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.”

Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!

I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.

Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can’t cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.

You can’t cheat an honest man.

Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.

I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.

Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.

Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.

A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.

If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.

I’m always that annoying person that pulls out the camera in the middle of dinner and starts taking candids.

Eating meat and drinking liquor are demonic vices. Those indulging in drink lose all sense of propriety, have no compassion or love and become demons.

To wisely live your life, you don’t need to know much just remember two main rules for the beginning: You better starve, than eat whatever And better be alone, than with whoever.

The gift of food to the hungry is the noblest of all gifts.

Rain which falls upon the sea is useless; so is food for one who is satiated; in vain is a gift for one who is wealthy; and a burning lamp during the daytime is useless.

From biscuit to brides, if there is anything their children really want, parents have a problem.

Knowledge that is not put into practice is like food that is not digested.

I lost my appetite for you.