I drink therefore I am.
W. C. FIELDSPrayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
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You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
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Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
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I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
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Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
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A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
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I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
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My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
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I never met a kid I liked.
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Never give a sucker an even break.
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No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
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If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
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When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
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Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
W. C. FIELDS