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Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!

W. C. Fields

I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Vote
Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. FIELDS

Break One Liner
I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Morning Myself
Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
W. C. FIELDS

Friendship Life Marriage Necessary Old Relationship
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Myself Time
I never eat before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Eat Myself One Liner
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Home Start Time
Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
W. C. FIELDS

Born Lose People
If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. FIELDS

Need Quit Stupidity Time
It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Funny Old World
I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself One Liner
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Money Myself Wild Woman
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
W. C. FIELDS

Better Sex Worst
It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
W. C. FIELDS

Attitude Deep Yourself
Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. FIELDS

Trust Yourself
I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food Myself See

Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!

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Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!

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