Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
W. C. FIELDSTry till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
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No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
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I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
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I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
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I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
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Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
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Never give a sucker an even break.
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The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
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I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.
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I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.
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Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
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A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
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I drink therefore I am.
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When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
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Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
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Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. FIELDS