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I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.

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Argument Attitude Myself

Bagwalas

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. FIELDS

Break One Liner
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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Happiness Instagram Captions Money Place
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
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Crazy Doubt Existence Woman
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
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Myself Vote
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
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Appearance Help People Sex Ugly
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
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Animal Food
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
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Better Sex Worst
You can’t cheat an honest man.
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Honesty Man Yourself
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
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Alcohol Money Myself Wild Woman
I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
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Company Myself
Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
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Togetherness Travel
Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
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Destroy Evidence Success Yourself
My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
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Doctor Force Myself
It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Funny Old World
I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. FIELDS

Equality Freedom Hate Myself
If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
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Animal Funny Wings
Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
W. C. FIELDS

Goodness Lost Myself Night Thankful
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. FIELDS

Drive Grateful Myself Reason
I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.
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Believe Empty Food Myself Weird
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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Food Myself Wine
I never eat before breakfast.
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Eat Myself One Liner
I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
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Habit Mad Myself Weird
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
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Animal Myself Perspective Sea
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
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Man Pain Woman
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. FIELDS

Marriage Night Survive Woman
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
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Improvement Myself
I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
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Destroy Myself See

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