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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Arm Bone Dog Favorite My

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My cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
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Back Car Drive Want Wife
Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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Acting Del Delicate Mask Put Very
Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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Being Do Draw Men Most Thing Told Wage
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
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Another Came Cement Felt Hand Neighborhood Real Some Tough
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
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Bartender Plumber Psychiatrist See Seen Told Truth Wife
I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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Fed Me Mother Shot Sing So Ugly Use
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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Broke Game Hockey Night Other Out Went
With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
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Birthday Ever Had Join Respect Toast Water Wife Women
My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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Again Boyfriend Broke Her Marriage Trock Up Wife
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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Breast Fed Friend Like Me Mover never Only She Told
What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Arm Bone Dog Favorite My
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
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Bath Hate Parent Radio Toast Toy
Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
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I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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Halloween Kind Life Look Parent Sent
My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can’t.
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My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.
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I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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Age Food Kitchen Life Mirror Over Tab Taken
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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