My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
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I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.
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My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
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I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD