I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
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My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
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Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
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Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’
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