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I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

Rodney Dangerfield

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The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

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I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
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I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
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I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

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I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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Attack Control Girl Last Myself Night Save
I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
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If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.
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All Life Pick Pocket Sex
With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Each Other Every Goe never Night Nothing Psychiatrist Right Seen Sex Wife
I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

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My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Cat Cover Kept Me Play Sandbox Up
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Bath Hate Parent Radio Toast Toy
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Always Found Kid Move Parent

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