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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

Rodney Dangerfield

Related Topics

Attack Control Girl Last Myself Night Save

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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
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My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

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I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
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I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can’t.
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My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Attack Control Girl Last Myself Night Save
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
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My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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