It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
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With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD