We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD