We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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My cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can’t.
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The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
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I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD