I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
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With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
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My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
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Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD