My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD
With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can’t.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD