I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
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My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD