I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD
I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
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My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD