I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
-
-
When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can’t.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD