A girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDLife is just a bowl of pits.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
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I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.
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It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
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I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
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The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD