I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDA girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
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My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
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My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
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My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD