With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!
RODNEY DANGERFIELD
I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can’t.
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Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.
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I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD