Life is just a bowl of pits.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDActing deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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My cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.
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I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
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I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
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It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
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My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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