Groucho Marx Quotes

Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX

Bless Crack Light One Liner
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX

Army Justice Military Music One Liner
I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX

Footprint Photography Socks Upstairs
I’ve been looking for a girl like you – not you, but a girl like you.
GROUCHO MARX

Ex Girl Look Pain Past Sad
Whatever it is, I’m against it.
GROUCHO MARX

Against Attitude
Humour is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX

Humour Madness One Liner Reason
Why, look at me. I’ve worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX

Poverty State Work
Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
GROUCHO MARX

Love Man Romance Room
Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.
GROUCHO MARX

Book Comfortable Dog Goodness Peace Woman
I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
GROUCHO MARX

Dreamss Hairs Nurse Red Romance
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
GROUCHO MARX

Elephant Funny Humour Morning Pajama
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
GROUCHO MARX

Finding Happiness Hard Time Healing Laugh
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
GROUCHO MARX

Cause Chief Divorce Marriage One Liner
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
GROUCHO MARX

Cause Chief Divorce Marriage One Liner
In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
GROUCHO MARX

Education Heart Heart Beat Listen Metabolism Study
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX

Anatomy Judgement Poverty
Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
GROUCHO MARX

Bore Hole Insult Run
Who says Television isn’t educational, as soon as the T.V. comes on I read a book.
GROUCHO MARX

Book Education Reading Television
Any place I hang my head is home.
GROUCHO MARX

Hang Head Home One Liner Place
Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
GROUCHO MARX

Alcohol Beer Believe Funny
We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.
GROUCHO MARX

Drunk Febuary Morning
Well, art is art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water!
GROUCHO MARX

Art Humour Water
The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
GROUCHO MARX

Book Fools Trouble Writing Yourself
My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX

Children Love Mother
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX

Control Fate Fortune Life Man Women
If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
GROUCHO MARX

Applesauce Cranberry Taste
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX

Funny Hospital Humour Parked Run Taxi

Other Famous Personalities