I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
GROUCHO MARXMarriage is the chief cause of divorce.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.
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All geniuses die young.
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Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while
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My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
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Time wounds all heels.
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Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
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She’s so in love with me, she doesn’t know anything. That’s why she’s in love with me.
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Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
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I’ve been looking for a girl like you – not you, but a girl like you.
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Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
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If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
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All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
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The only real laughter comes from despair.
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I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
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We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
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Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
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If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
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Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
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I intend to live forever, or die trying.
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I must admit, I was born at an early age.
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If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
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I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
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Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX