Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARXDie in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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I only write first editions.
GROUCHO MARX -
Somebody once said it’s what you dont see you’re interested in, and this is true.
GROUCHO MARX -
Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX -
I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
GROUCHO MARX -
I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX -
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX -
Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
GROUCHO MARX -
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX -
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX -
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX -
I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX -
I’ve got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX -
You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX -
I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX -
Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX -
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX -
Time wounds all heels.
GROUCHO MARX -
All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX -
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX -
If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
GROUCHO MARX -
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
GROUCHO MARX -
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
GROUCHO MARX -
In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
GROUCHO MARX -
We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.
GROUCHO MARX