Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARXDie in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
GROUCHO MARX -
You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
GROUCHO MARX -
Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX -
Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX -
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX -
I’ve been looking for a girl like you – not you, but a girl like you.
GROUCHO MARX -
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX -
She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARX -
While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX -
Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
GROUCHO MARX -
Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
GROUCHO MARX -
Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.
GROUCHO MARX -
From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
GROUCHO MARX -
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX