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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

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Cause Chief Divorce Marriage One Liner

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX

Dead Funny Man One Liner Stop Watch
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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Humour Judge Jury Marriage One Liner
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
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Anatomy Judgement Poverty
A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
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Comedy Funny Humour Nickle Pocket
Well, art is art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water!
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Art Humour Water
Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX

Birthday Live Old Problem
Go, and never darken my towels again.
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Angry Funny One Liner Towel
We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
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Humour Meet Night Own Theater
I must admit, I was born at an early age.
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Admit Age Born Early Life
Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
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Die Halfway Heaven One Liner West
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
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Control Fate Fortune Life Man Women
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
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Attitude Insult One Liner Remind Talk Time
If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
GROUCHO MARX

Applesauce Cranberry Taste
Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX

Bless Crack Light One Liner
My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
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Children Love Mother
If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
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Lucky Person Pool Swimming Underwater
Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX

Human Nature Humour Important One Liner Speak
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX

Army Justice Military Music One Liner
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
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Funny Hospital Humour Parked Run Taxi
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
GROUCHO MARX

Elephant Funny Humour Morning Pajama
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX

Age Birthday Interesting Subject
Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
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Alcohol Beer Believe Funny
I only write first editions.
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Attitude Edition One Liner Writing
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
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Freedom Money Thinking
I’ve got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX

Beat Confidence Goodness Head Mind Revenge War
I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX

Insult One Liner Respect
All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX

Born Democracy People Republic

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