black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

Go, and never darken my towels again.

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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
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Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
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She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
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I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
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He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
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Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
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I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you’ve triumphed.
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One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
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Any place I hang my head is home.
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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
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The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
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Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
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In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
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Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
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We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
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Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
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Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while
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Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
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If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
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I only write first editions.
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
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Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
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From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
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Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
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