Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARXThe secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
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Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
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She’s so in love with me, she doesn’t know anything. That’s why she’s in love with me.
GROUCHO MARX -
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
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I’ve got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX -
Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
GROUCHO MARX -
Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX -
Whatever it is, I’m against it.
GROUCHO MARX -
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX -
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
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The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
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If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
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All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX