Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARXWho says Television isn’t educational, as soon as the T.V. comes on I read a book.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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Why, look at me. I’ve worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
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One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
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Humour is reason gone mad.
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Who says Television isn’t educational, as soon as the T.V. comes on I read a book.
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I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
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I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
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Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
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Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
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Well, art is art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water!
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She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
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A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
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Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
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Room service? Send up a larger room.
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
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You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
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Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
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Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
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Whatever it is, I’m against it.
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I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you’ve triumphed.
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Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
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A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
GROUCHO MARX