Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
GROUCHO MARXNo one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
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Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
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The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
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The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
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Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
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A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
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Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
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Humour is reason gone mad.
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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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Time wounds all heels.
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A very interesting theory makes no sense at all.
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I’ve got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
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I only write first editions.
GROUCHO MARX