Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
GROUCHO MARXNo one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
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If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
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Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
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Somebody once said it’s what you dont see you’re interested in, and this is true.
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Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
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If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
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Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
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We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.
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Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
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The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
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Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.
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Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
GROUCHO MARX -
All geniuses die young.
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If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
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A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
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My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
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Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
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I must admit, I was born at an early age.
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Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
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Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
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Room service? Send up a larger room.
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A very interesting theory makes no sense at all.
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If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
GROUCHO MARX