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No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

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Best Friend Deep Failure One Liner Unhappy

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
GROUCHO MARX

Funny Humour Mind Smoking
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX

Enough Inspirational Mistake Yourself
If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARX

Lucky Person Pool Swimming Underwater
If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
GROUCHO MARX

Deviation Dirty Honor Liar Thief Writing Yourself
Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
GROUCHO MARX

Bed Inspirational Lazy One Liner Worth
Somebody once said it’s what you dont see you’re interested in, and this is true.
GROUCHO MARX

Interest Naked Sex True
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX

Dead Funny Man One Liner Stop Watch
If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARX

Lucky Person Pool Swimming Underwater
Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
GROUCHO MARX

Die Halfway Heaven One Liner West
We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.
GROUCHO MARX

Drunk Febuary Morning
Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX

Bless Crack Light One Liner
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
GROUCHO MARX

Book Education Humour Read Room Television
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
GROUCHO MARX

Deal Fake Honesty Humour Life Secret
Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.
GROUCHO MARX

Book Comfortable Dog Goodness Peace Woman
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX

Arrow Banana Fly Fruit Time
I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
GROUCHO MARX

Cigar Love Mouth Relationship
All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX

Die Genius One Liner Young
If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
GROUCHO MARX

Closer Holding Love One Liner Romance
A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
GROUCHO MARX

Comedy Funny Humour Nickle Pocket
My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX

Children Love Mother
Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX

Best Friend Book Darkness Dog Friendship Read
I must admit, I was born at an early age.
GROUCHO MARX

Admit Age Born Early Life
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX

Funny Leadership Man Women
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX

Attitude Confidence
Room service? Send up a larger room.
GROUCHO MARX

Funny Hotel Humour Room Service
A very interesting theory makes no sense at all.
GROUCHO MARX

Interesting Reality Sense Theory
If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
GROUCHO MARX

Applesauce Cranberry Taste

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