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I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.

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Bad Day Evening Wonderful

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Go, and never darken my towels again.
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Angry Funny One Liner Towel
The only real laughter comes from despair.
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A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
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Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
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I’ve got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
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You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
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One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
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I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.
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Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
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Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
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Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
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Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
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I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you’ve triumphed.
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I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
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Bad Day Evening Wonderful
My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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She’s so in love with me, she doesn’t know anything. That’s why she’s in love with me.
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If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
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I’ve been looking for a girl like you – not you, but a girl like you.
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I must admit, I was born at an early age.
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A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
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From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
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All geniuses die young.
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Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
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I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
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