If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARXWhoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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All geniuses die young.
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Go, and never darken my towels again.
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Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
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Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
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Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
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Humour is reason gone mad.
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Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
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The only real laughter comes from despair.
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Room service? Send up a larger room.
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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
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He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
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Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
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Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
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Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
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Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
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Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
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Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
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I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
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While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
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Why, look at me. I’ve worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
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Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
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One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
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Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX