Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARXWhoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
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Any place I hang my head is home.
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She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
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The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
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Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
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Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
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Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
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Room service? Send up a larger room.
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If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
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Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.
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I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
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No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
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I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.
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All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX