Whatever it is, I’m against it.
GROUCHO MARXA man is only as old as the woman he feels.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
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Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
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I’ve been looking for a girl like you – not you, but a girl like you.
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Go, and never darken my towels again.
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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
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I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
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He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
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Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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I intend to live forever, or die trying.
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A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
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Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
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Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
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Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
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While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
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If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
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Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
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Time wounds all heels.
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Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
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Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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I must admit, I was born at an early age.
GROUCHO MARX