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A man is only as old as the woman he feels.

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Feeling Man Naughty One Liner Sex Woman

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Whatever it is, I’m against it.
GROUCHO MARX

Against Attitude
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
GROUCHO MARX

Deal Fake Honesty Humour Life Secret
Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX

Fly Love Money Reality Truth
I’ve been looking for a girl like you – not you, but a girl like you.
GROUCHO MARX

Ex Girl Look Pain Past Sad
Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX

Angry Funny One Liner Towel
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX

Army Justice Military Music One Liner
I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
GROUCHO MARX

Funny Hero Heroine Tits
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX

Demotivate Idiot Insult Life Stupidity
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX

Man One Liner Success Victory Wife Woman
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
GROUCHO MARX

Cause Chief Divorce Marriage One Liner
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX

Die Forever Inspirational One Liner Positive Try
A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX

Feeling Man Naughty One Liner Sex Woman
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX

Almony Dead Divorce Funny Horse Pay
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX

Enough Inspirational Mistake Yourself
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX

Children Fetch Funny Understand
Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
GROUCHO MARX

Bed Inspirational Lazy One Liner Worth
Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
GROUCHO MARX

Bore Hole Insult Run
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
GROUCHO MARX

Finding Happiness Hard Time Healing Laugh
While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX

Choose Happiness Misery Money
If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
GROUCHO MARX

Deviation Dirty Honor Liar Thief Writing Yourself
Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
GROUCHO MARX

Arrive Dead Future Happiness Inspirational Life Past Present
Time wounds all heels.
GROUCHO MARX

Healing Inspirational Life One Liner Time Wound
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX

Arrow Banana Fly Fruit Time
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
GROUCHO MARX

Book Education Humour Read Room Television
Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
GROUCHO MARX

Alcohol Beer Believe Funny
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX

Humour Judge Jury Marriage One Liner
I must admit, I was born at an early age.
GROUCHO MARX

Admit Age Born Early Life

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