Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
GROUCHO MARXShe got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
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I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
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I’ve got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
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If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
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I must admit, I was born at an early age.
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If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
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I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
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We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
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Go, and never darken my towels again.
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Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
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My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
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Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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Before I speak, I have something important to say.
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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX