If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARXMoney frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
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I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
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A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX -
I must admit, I was born at an early age.
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Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
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If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
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Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
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I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
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In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
GROUCHO MARX -
I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you’ve triumphed.
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
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One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
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If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARX