All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARXYou can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
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If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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Any place I hang my head is home.
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If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
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Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
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She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
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Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
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Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
GROUCHO MARX -
Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
GROUCHO MARX -
Room service? Send up a larger room.
GROUCHO MARX -
Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
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A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
GROUCHO MARX -
Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while
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Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
GROUCHO MARX -
I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX -
Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
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Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
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Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
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Once I put it down I couldn’t pick it back up.
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You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
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Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you’ve triumphed.
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I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
GROUCHO MARX