“You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.”

Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.

I’ve been looking for a girl like you – not you, but a girl like you.

Whatever it is, I’m against it.

Humour is reason gone mad.

Why, look at me. I’ve worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.

Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.

I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.