Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARXThe trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
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A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
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I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
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Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
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My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
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Humour is reason gone mad.
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
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Once I put it down I couldn’t pick it back up.
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I love to read. My education is self-inflicted.
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I only write first editions.
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Time wounds all heels.
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
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Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX