Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
GROUCHO MARXLove flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Time wounds all heels.
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Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
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I only write first editions.
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A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
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Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!
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I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.
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Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
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A very interesting theory makes no sense at all.
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Somebody once said it’s what you dont see you’re interested in, and this is true.
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Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
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I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
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I must admit, I was born at an early age.
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Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
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Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
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The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX