“Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.”

Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.

I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?

Who says Television isn’t educational, as soon as the T.V. comes on I read a book.

Any place I hang my head is home.

Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.

We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.

Well, art is art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water!

The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.

My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.

With rap, it’s a funny thing. You can say things, and people can take ’em the way they wanna take ’em.

I like my phone. My phone makes magic happen.

I was an only child and I had a mother and father who were just – there wasn’t a straight man in the house, and I mean that in a very nice way. They were fun, and we would laugh a lot.

When I was a kid in Houston, we were so poor we couldn’t afford the last 2 letters, so we called ourselves po’.

In my first video diary I explained my love for women who have a taste in carrots. Since then, I have received plenty of carrots. Now I also have a keen interest in women who like Lamborghinis.

It’s very funny that I’m being appreciated for my dance moves because when I was young, I was made fun of, as nobody thought I was able to dance.

I didn’t do school plays… I’ve never done a play in my life, actually. Not even a nativity. If I’d been in a school play, I’d probably have sneezed and messed everything up.

Our records, if you have a dark sense of humor, were funny, but our records weren’t about comedy. They were about protests, fantasy, confrontation and all that.