I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARXAnyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
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Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
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Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
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Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.
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One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
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Well, art is art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water!
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Any place I hang my head is home.
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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
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Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
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Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
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Once I put it down I couldn’t pick it back up.
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She’s so in love with me, she doesn’t know anything. That’s why she’s in love with me.
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Who says Television isn’t educational, as soon as the T.V. comes on I read a book.
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We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
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Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
GROUCHO MARX