Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARXMarriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
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Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
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He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
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Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
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Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
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I must admit, I was born at an early age.
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Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
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Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
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Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
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Humour is reason gone mad.
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Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
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No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
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Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
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Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you’ve triumphed.
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If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
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Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
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A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
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She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
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I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
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Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while
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If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX