Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARXJust give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Somebody once said it’s what you dont see you’re interested in, and this is true.
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Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
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I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.
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I only write first editions.
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I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
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Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
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If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
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From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
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Well, art is art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water!
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Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
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The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
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Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
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A very interesting theory makes no sense at all.
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If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
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We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.
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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
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The only real laughter comes from despair.
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
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One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
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Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
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Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
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Room service? Send up a larger room.
GROUCHO MARX