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Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
GROUCHO MARX

Dreamss Hairs Nurse Red Romance
I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX

Crazy Decent Life Meal Place Reality
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX

Almony Dead Divorce Funny Horse Pay
Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
GROUCHO MARX

Channel Cry Laugh Selfish Watch World
Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX

Human Nature Humour Important One Liner Speak
The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX

Calm Deep Despair Laughter One Liner Peace
Somebody once said it’s what you dont see you’re interested in, and this is true.
GROUCHO MARX

Interest Naked Sex True
Room service? Send up a larger room.
GROUCHO MARX

Funny Hotel Humour Room Service
I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
GROUCHO MARX

Funny Hero Heroine Tits
I must admit, I was born at an early age.
GROUCHO MARX

Admit Age Born Early Life
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX

Funny Leadership Man Women
All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX

Die Genius One Liner Young
Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX

Best Friend Book Darkness Dog Friendship Read
If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX

Exitement Fun Life One Liner Travel Wrong
Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
GROUCHO MARX

Bore Hole Insult Run
Time wounds all heels.
GROUCHO MARX

Healing Inspirational Life One Liner Time Wound
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX

Attitude Confidence
Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
GROUCHO MARX

Advance Luck One Liner Welcome Women
She’s so in love with me, she doesn’t know anything. That’s why she’s in love with me.
GROUCHO MARX

Funny Love Man Myself
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX

Funny Humour Instituation Marriage
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX

Funny Hospital Humour Parked Run Taxi
If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARX

Lucky Person Pool Swimming Underwater
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX

Anatomy Judgement Poverty
If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
GROUCHO MARX

Applesauce Cranberry Taste
Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX

Bless Crack Light One Liner
Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
GROUCHO MARX

Alcohol Beer Believe Funny
Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX

Bouquet Bride Groom Hollywood Marriage Throw

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