If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARXBefore I speak, I have something important to say.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX -
All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX -
The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
GROUCHO MARX -
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX -
Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
GROUCHO MARX -
Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!
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The only real laughter comes from despair.
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If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX -
If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
GROUCHO MARX -
When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
GROUCHO MARX -
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX -
Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
GROUCHO MARX -
A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
GROUCHO MARX -
I must admit, I was born at an early age.
GROUCHO MARX -
Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
GROUCHO MARX -
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
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Time wounds all heels.
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Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.
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We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
GROUCHO MARX -
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
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Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
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I’ve got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
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Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX -
Room service? Send up a larger room.
GROUCHO MARX -
Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
GROUCHO MARX