“Any place I hang my head is home.”

I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.

I’ve been looking for a girl like you – not you, but a girl like you.

Whatever it is, I’m against it.

Humour is reason gone mad.

Why, look at me. I’ve worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.

Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.

I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?

Who says Television isn’t educational, as soon as the T.V. comes on I read a book.

Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on.

I have insecurities of course, but I don’t hang out with anyone who points them out to me.

In the game of life, we’re all hanging by a thread.  

When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.

The last capitalist we hang shall be the one who sold us the rope.

We must all hang together, or assuredly we shall all hang separately.

It’s better to hang out with people better than you. Pick out associates whose behavior is better than yours and you’ll drift in that direction.

The worse feeling is when someone makes you feel special, then suddenly leaves you hanging, and you have to act like you don’t care at all.