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Any place I hang my head is home.

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Hang Head Home One Liner Place

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Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!
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Room service? Send up a larger room.
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Funny Hotel Humour Room Service
Humour is reason gone mad.
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Humour Madness One Liner Reason
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
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Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
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Bless Crack Light One Liner
I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that.
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Insult One Liner Respect
All geniuses die young.
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Die Genius One Liner Young
Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
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Bouquet Bride Groom Hollywood Marriage Throw
Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
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Love Man Romance Room
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
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Control Fate Fortune Life Man Women
Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
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Attitude Life Principles Rules
Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
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Best Friend Book Darkness Dog Friendship Read
When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
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Best Friend Friendship Funny Goodness Jail Try
Once I put it down I couldn’t pick it back up.
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Attitude Down Human Nature Myself Pick
If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
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Applesauce Cranberry Taste
I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
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In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
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I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
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Cigar Love Mouth Relationship
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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Humour Judge Jury Marriage One Liner
Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
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Birthday Live Old Problem
Why, look at me. I’ve worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
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Poverty State Work
Who says Television isn’t educational, as soon as the T.V. comes on I read a book.
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Book Education Reading Television
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
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Almony Dead Divorce Funny Horse Pay
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
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Animal Black Cat Cross Funny Humour Path
I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
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Bad Day Evening Wonderful
Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
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Fly Love Money Reality Truth
Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
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Bore Hole Insult Run

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