“Any place I hang my head is home.”

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.

All geniuses die young.

A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.

Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.

I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.

If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.

I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.

You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.

A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on.

I have insecurities of course, but I don’t hang out with anyone who points them out to me.

In the game of life, we’re all hanging by a thread.  

When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.

The last capitalist we hang shall be the one who sold us the rope.

We must all hang together, or assuredly we shall all hang separately.

It’s better to hang out with people better than you. Pick out associates whose behavior is better than yours and you’ll drift in that direction.

The worse feeling is when someone makes you feel special, then suddenly leaves you hanging, and you have to act like you don’t care at all.