I must admit, I was born at an early age.
GROUCHO MARXThe only real laughter comes from despair.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
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Before I speak, I have something important to say.
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In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
GROUCHO MARX -
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
GROUCHO MARX -
Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
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I intend to live forever, or die trying.
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Go, and never darken my towels again.
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All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
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Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
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He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
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Time wounds all heels.
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She’s so in love with me, she doesn’t know anything. That’s why she’s in love with me.
GROUCHO MARX -
Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while
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Room service? Send up a larger room.
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Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
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I love to read. My education is self-inflicted.
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If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
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From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
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I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
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Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
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Somebody once said it’s what you dont see you’re interested in, and this is true.
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Humour is reason gone mad.
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If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX