Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARXThe only real laughter comes from despair.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
GROUCHO MARX -
If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
GROUCHO MARX -
Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX -
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
GROUCHO MARX -
Time wounds all heels.
GROUCHO MARX -
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX -
I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
GROUCHO MARX -
Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
GROUCHO MARX -
Any place I hang my head is home.
GROUCHO MARX -
Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
GROUCHO MARX -
From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
GROUCHO MARX -
I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX -
I’ve been looking for a girl like you – not you, but a girl like you.
GROUCHO MARX -
Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while
GROUCHO MARX -
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX -
Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX -
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
GROUCHO MARX -
Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX -
I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
GROUCHO MARX -
Well, art is art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water!
GROUCHO MARX -
I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
GROUCHO MARX -
You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
GROUCHO MARX -
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
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I’ve got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX -
We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.
GROUCHO MARX